You love boots! Ever since you stepped into your first pair, you've basically lived in them. You've been a boot booster for so long, you're blind to the fact that boots are just bad news. Sure they can be cute, but you're goofy on that new shoe smell! You're too close. Beware the signs leading to their dark gateway!
1. Knee Tan Lines
It happened. You've heard of other women getting caught with boot lines, but never thought it could happen to you. Maybe you were sitting in the sun for too long? Yeah right. Or maybe that fake bronzing solution you applied to your legs this morning wiped off. It's fine. We're not judging. But you've got to say goodbye to those boots while you even out your skin tone below the knee, Miss Burns-Can't-Tan. Wear sneakers like a normal person.
2. Sock Expenses
You're eating ramen for dinner tonight, which marks several years since you lived on it in college. And all because you found the cutest pair of lacy knee high socks. You needed them! In fact, you needed a rainbow of socks to peek above your beloved boots. You couldn't stop, and now your checking account is empty. Was it worth it? Because now you're consuming carbs and tons of sodium and eventually... your feet are going to get fat.
3. Feet Stank
After a long day you know your dogs are a little ripe. But after cooking in fine Italian boot leather like an over-thawed ham in the sun, your feet reek. It's not like the tangy sweat smell of a sneaker after a 5K or even athlete's foot's rotten odor. The scent lingering around your toes after a day in boots is beyond insult to the receptors in your nose. Your feet smell so bad that pickle juice and old sardines formed an intervention because whatever that is emanating from your feet, it smells worse than both of them combined.
4. Mystery Malady
You've worn boots every day for more than a week, and you're starting to feel it. The combination of gallons of foot sweat, calloused heels, and toe jam has somehow resulted in a pinkish rash creeping up to your ankles. No amount of breathable socks laced with silver or high octane foot spray has helped. And after an awkward visit to the podiatrist, the doctor says you should switch to different shoes. If you have to give up boots though, amputating may be your best last resort.
5. No Closet Space
You have a closet dedicated to footwear. You own one pair of chestnut brown riding boots; six mid-calf boots with either a chunky heel or a tapered heel; one pair of fuzzy-lined boots; one pair of furry boots with a low heel, and one with a high heel both in brown and black; pink boots; red boots; blue boots; a pair of black patent leather boots with three inch heels (for nights out); classic rubber ducky rain boots; several pairs of booties in black, white, tan, brown, bone, off-white, and greige; and probably a couple of snow boots and ski boots -- even though you don't ski. In comparison, you have one dresser drawer with five shirts. Do you not see what's weird about this?
6. Money Suck
You have a choice to make as a wearer of boots -- plentiful and cheap, or selective and expensive. With the first approach, you could buy whatever man-made, faux-wood heel piece of trash boot and lots of them. These boots, if you can even call such low quality foot coverings that, are less pricey, but you'll walk holes through them so fast making it necessary to replace them more often. On the other hand, you could dump half your paycheck into buying hand-crafted boots made by an atelier and imported inside gold-lined crates. You'll own less initially, but with time you'll have a masterful rotation of fine footerie. Yes, you'll have beautiful shoes. But you will also be broke.
7. Cost of Maintenance
Get ready to be bosom buddies with your cobbler because you're not going to want to throw out or donate those sexy, costly boots. Maybe if you cozy up to them the cost to replace the heels or patch the soles of those many pairs of designer boots won't exceed the amount of cash you need for bills. You know what's less expensive than having your boots repaired? Not wearing expensive boots that need to go to a shoe repair specialist.
8. Long Term Health Issues
Perhaps the strongest argument against those shoes of soul are their lack thereof. How many years of sciatica pain and spinal torsion are you submitting yourself to for the sake of style? With the absence of inner arch support, often perilous height heels, and constricting elastic (looking at you, thigh-high boot wearers), it's a wonder you made it this far without visiting any specialists.
9. You Don't Know How to Wear Them
Let's get real for a moment and discuss the most important reason why you should not wear boots. It's the same reason someone without a pilot's license shouldn't fly a plane. You don't know how to wear them correctly. You pair knee high boots with midi-skirts so your legs look more boot than human. You can't figure out there are ankle socks meant to be worn with ankle boots that work with ankle length pants. It's not rocket science, but you make every fashion faux pas regarding boots look like a breeze.
10. Too Big for Your Own Shoes
You thought you would kill two birds -- reaching your steps goal by strolling around in your hot new boots, but now your feet are like balloons! Guess what? The swelling, it only gets worse as you grow older. So look forward to a long life of bulbous, engorged feet. You're so obsessed with your boots that you will desperately try to replace your collection with two sizes up. Not only do your feet look like tree trunks below the knee, but it's because you couldn't lady up and wear sensible shoes. Try some Oxfords or Mary Janes already!
Beware Those Boots
Hopefully you learned your lesson about boots. Don't say you weren't warned when you find yourself destitute, carb-bloated, and with severe foot health issues because you couldn't quit your habit. So what's the next step? Well you know what they say -- admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. You can do it!
