5 Things NOT to Give Teachers as Gifts

Teachers get a lot of gifts every year from their doting students. Unfortunately, many of them are. . .well. . .unfortunate. Let's face it, harried parents aren't always the most thoughtful of gift givers. Guaranteed - there are teachers everywhere who have drawers full of unwanted gifts just waiting for the next white elephant party. Avoid making your kids the talk of the town by avoiding any of these things like the plague!

Even if Mr. Smith is your child's favorite teacher ever, steer clear of t-shirts and mugs and other paraphernalia marked with "#1 Teacher!" Even if he's the best teacher in the entire history of teaching, these gifts are just not going to be appreciated. Just like those ugly sweaters your grandparents used to give you, #1 Teacher gear is often purchased but never used. Have you ever seen anyone wearing such a shirt, or using such a mug? No, you haven't.

If Mr. Smith were to give this gift idea a grade, it would be a D. As in D for "Do not want."

This should really be self-explanatory. There are no scenarios in which this is a good gift idea for a teacher. Not one. Twerky the Elf and his Jingle Bells should never be an option for your child's classroom. Don't do it.

Thinking of giving your kid's teacher a frilly negligee or some undies? That gift will say one of three things about you:

1. You're a creepy stalker type.
2. You really love embarrassing teachers and their students.
3. You have a bet with the other parents on who can pick out the worst teacher gift this year.

But by all means, go ahead with this plan. And change your middle name to "inappropriate" while you're at it.

The only instance in which you can get away with giving a lifetime membership to an online dating site is if the teacher has ever said to you personally, "I really wish I could find a mate, and that I could afford to join an online dating site." Otherwise, insulting the person who is responsible for deciding on whether your child passes or fails this year is probably a bad idea.

Other gifts in this category that you should avoid include pole dancing lessons, a gym membership, a coupon for three free months of Weight Watchers, and a certificate for 20% off cosmetic surgery.

Maybe your kid's teacher has an anger management problem. Or perhaps you feel that she lacks confidence, or has a closet binge-eating disorder, or needs to learn some new-agey relaxation techniques. These are things that you should keep to yourself. Step away from Controlling Your Rage in Five Joyful Steps and The Idiot's Guide to Not Eating a Whole Cake. Your kid will pay the price for your bad judgement when the teacher reacts with, "Rage? I'll show you rage!"

Stick with flowers instead and you'll still be able to show your face at parent-teacher conferences.