Flip flops. Somewhere along the way, these cheap rubber thongs graduated from barely-there, poolside buddies to our trusted, everyday choice for summer months. But NOOOOOO! don't you know that this summer staple is as dangerous as a donut on a diet?
1. They Are a Dirt Trap
Let's face it. When you're wearing flip flops, you might as well be walking barefoot on a garbage dump, because they expose your feet to that much filth. Yup, basically you have a pathetic piece of rubber on the underside of your foot, which puts your foot scarily close to all sorts of delight including vomit, dog poop, the ten million bacteria that reside on a piece of chewing gum, cigarette butts, and basically anything else that can be found festering on the sidewalk. Coming to a flip flop wearing foot near you soon - a double bill of skin infections caused by all the yuck, featuring athlete's foot and HPV (read: warts). In a word - NASTY!
2. They Make You Walk Like a Lazy Idiot
Who in their right mind would opt in on walking like a penguin crossed with a clumsy village idiot? That's essentially what you are doing when you decide to slap slap lazily along in your flip flops. Flip flops force you to take freakishly little mini strides like someone made you wear a humongous cupcake suit. Seriously uncool, no matter how awesomely you think you're rocking them.
3. They Wreak Havoc on Your Back and Hips
Ah yes, picnics, pool parties and... back pain. You know that stupid flip flop shuffle we all do just to try and actually get them to stay on our feet while we wear them? Well this boneheaded way of walking, caused by the fact that flip flops provide zilch in the way of support for our feet, also inflicts misery on our hips and back. Stumbling around moaning like a granny about how your back is aching? Yes, that's totally going to fit with your easy-breezy summer vibe.
4. They Show Your Ugly Feet
Let's face it. Unless you are a foot model, chances are your feet are screaming UGLY on any day of the week - swollen veins, knobby toes, and toe nails that haven't seen a clipper in who only knows how long. Now is that something you would want to put on show? We think not.
5. They Make You Slow
Have you ever tried running or even walking quickly in flip flops? Yup, 100% impossible without coming to a bad end. But if that's not enough to convince you that flip flops actually slow you down, there's cold, hard research which shows that wearing flip flops makes you slower than if you had on sneakers. Not that you really need a scientist to work that one out, duh!
6. They Make Your Heels Look Like They Have Psoriasis
Mmmm scabby skin, cracked heels... just what every gal wants from a good shoe. Thanks to the non-existent support flip flops provide us with, your heel slides this way and that, causing friction and a buildup of hard, thick dry skin. Just think of all the hours you'll have to spend exfoliating that monstrosity off your feet!
7. They Give You Excruciating Blisters
Ah yes, flip flops... they feel so good when you first put them on. Your feet feel so free! So liberated! That is, until you've muddled two blocks down the road and that niggling rubbing breaks out into full throttle friction. Before you know it, that spot on the side of your foot that has been getting way too friendly with the rubber is red raw and you've graduated from shuffling to limping. Classy.
8. They Bring on the Bunions
Bunions - every woman's worst nightmare. We swore we wouldn't abuse our feet and end up like our mother by cramming our hooves into sky high heels, but sadly, flip flops can be just as evil when it comes to bringing on the bunions. In the name of trying to keep these unruly slabs of rubber on our tootsies, our toes flex desperately to, quite literally, get a grip. And that's just the kind of bendy position that leads to those gruesome bunion bumps on our toe joints in later years. If you want to be able to dance like this when you're 70, skip 'em.
9. They Are Made of Bad Stuff
True story, while you might choose to live your summer in them, they all the while could be leaching harmful chemicals into your unsuspecting feet. PVC vinyl, which is what most flip flops are made of, tends to release toxic phthalate plasticizers in the heat. Plus, they are super earth-unfriendly, being the least recyclable plastic, which makes them bad bad bad. Please don't kill your feet and Mother Earth with one bullet.
10. They Make You Look Stupid
Yes, really. Because flip flops are basically a way of screaming that you are hellbent on wearing something even when it's totally inappropriate to do so. At a restaurant? At a bar? Going shopping? No no no! The only place flip flops belong are at the pool or the beach. Sorry, but there, we said it.
Loving your trusty flip flops so much now? Don't sweat it - swap them for some cute alternatives like an open toe number or some sassy sandals and do your feet, and everyone else who has to look at them a favor.
